No Loosely Translated We Should Do This Again Means Youll Never See Me Naked

Friends, Friends S1:E3 The One with the Thumb

HI, GUYS!

HEY, PHOEBE!

HEY, OH, HOW DID IT GO?

UM, NOT SO GOOD.

HE SAID, "WE SHOULD

DO THIS AGAIN."

( everyone groans )

WHAT? "WE SHOULD

DO IT AGAIN."

THAT'S GOOD, RIGHT?

NO, LOOSELY

TRANSLATED

"WE SHOULD DO

THIS AGAIN" MEANS

"YOU WILL NEVER

SEE ME NAKED."

SINCE WHEN?

SINCE ALWAYS.

IT'S LIKE

DATING LANGUAGE.

YOU KNOW, LIKE, "IT'S NOT YOU"

MEANS "IT IS YOU."

OR "YOU'RE SUCH

A NICE GUY" MEANS:

"I'LL BE DATING

LEATHER-WEARING

ALCOHOLICS

AND COMPLAINING

ABOUT THEM TO YOU."

OR "I THINK WE SHOULD

SEE OTHER PEOPLE"

MEANS "HA, HA,

I ALREADY AM."

AND EVERYBODY

KNOWS THIS.

OH, YEAH... CUSHIONS THE BLOW.

LIKE WHEN YOU'RE A KID

AND YOUR DOG DIES

AND THEY SAY IT WENT

OFF TO SOME FARM.

THAT'S FUNNY.

NO, BECAUSE OUR

PARENTS ACTUALLY DID

SEND OUR DOG UP

TO LIVE ON A FARM.

UH... ROSS?

WHAT, HELLO? THE MILNERS' FARM

IN CONNECTICUT?

THE MILNERS HAD THIS

UNBELIEVABLE FARM.

THEY HAD HORSES

AND RABBITS

TO CHASE

AND...

OH, MY GOD, CHI CHI!

♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU

LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪

♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE,

YOU'RE BROKE ♪

♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪

♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS

STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪

♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪

♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH,

OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪

♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪

♪ WHEN THE RAIN

STARTS TO FALL ♪

♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪

♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪

♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪

♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE

FOR ME TOO ♪

Chandler:

"SO HOW DOES IT FEEL

KNOWING YOU'RE ABOUT TO DIE?"

"WARDEN, IN FIVE MINUTES

MY PAIN WILL BE OVER

"BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO LIVE

WITH THE KNOWLEDGE

THAT YOU SENT

AN HONEST MAN TO DIE."

HEY, THAT WAS REALLY GOOD.

YEAH? THANKS,

LET'S KEEP GOING.

OKAY.

"SO, WHAT DO YOU WANT

FROM ME, DIMONE... HUH?"

"I JUST WANT TO

GO BACK TO MY CELL

BECAUSE IN MY CELL

I CAN SMOKE."

"SMOKE AWAY!"

I THINK THIS

IS PROBABLY WHY

DIMONE SMOKES

IN HIS CELL, ALONE.

WHAT?

RELAX YOUR HAND.

LET YOUR WRIST GO.

NOT SO MUCH.

ALL RIGHT, NOW,

TRY TAKING A PUFF.

RIGHT.

OKAY, NO, GIVE IT TO ME.

NO, NO, I'M NOT

GIVING YOU A CIGARETTE.

DO YOU WANT TO GET THIS PART

OR NOT? HERE.

ALL RIGHT, NOW

DON'T THINK OF IT

AS A CIGARETTE.

THINK OF IT

AS THE THING

THAT HAS BEEN MISSING

FROM YOUR HAND.

WHEN YOU'RE HOLDING IT, YOU

FEEL RIGHT, YOU FEEL COMPLETE.

DO YOU MISS IT?

NO, NOT SO MUCH.

ALL RIGHT, NOW WE SMOKE.

OH, MY GOD!

THEY SAY IT'S THE SAME

AS THE DISTANCE

FROM THE TIP OF A GUY'S THUMB

TO THE TIP OF HIS INDEX FINGER.

THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

CAN I USE EITHER THUMB?

ALL RIGHT, DON'T

TELL ME, DON'T TELL ME.

DECAF CAPPUCCINO

FOR JOEY.

COFFEE BLACK.

LATTE.

AND AN ICED TEA.

I'M GETTING GOOD AT THIS.

EXCELLENT!

VERY GOOD.

GOOD FOR ME!

( muttering )

YOU OKAY, PHOEBE?

YEAH, NO, I'M...

IT'S NOT EVEN WORTH IT--

IT'S MY BANK.

WHAT DID THEY DO?

IT'S JUST... OKAY.

I'M GOING

THROUGH MY MAIL

AND I OPEN UP THEIR

MONTHLY STATEMENT!

EASY!

OKAY, I KNOW.

AND THERE'S $500

EXTRA IN MY ACCOUNT.

OH, SATAN'S MINIONS

AT WORK AGAIN.

NOW I HAVE TO GO THERE

AND DEAL WITH THEM...

WHAT? KEEP IT!

IT'S NOT MINE.

I DIDN'T EARN IT.

IT WOULD BE LIKE STEALING.

YEAH, BUT IF YOU SPENT IT,

IT WOULD BE LIKE SHOPPING.

OKAY, OKAY, LET'S SAY I BOUGHT

A REALLY GREAT PAIR OF SHOES.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'D HEAR

WITH EVERY STEP I TOOK?

"NOT MINE, NOT MINE, NOT MINE."

EVEN IF I WAS HAPPY,

AND SKIPPING, I'D HEAR

"NOT, NOT MINE,

NOT, NOT MINE..."

WE'RE WITH YOU, WE GOT IT.

I'D NEVER ENJOY IT.

IT WOULD BE LIKE

THIS GIANT KARMIC DEBT.

Monica:

CHANDLER, WHAT

ARE YOU DOING?

HEY! WHAT ARE

YOU DOING?

WHAT IS THIS?

I'M SMOKING,

I'M SMOKING.

YOU'VE BEEN

SO GOOD

FOR THREE

YEARS.

AND THIS IS MY REWARD.

THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WENT

THROUGH THE LAST TIME YOU QUIT.

OKAY, SO THIS TIME

I WON'T QUIT.

PUT IT OUT!

I'M PUTTING IT OUT.

OH, NO! I CAN'T

DRINK THIS NOW.

I'M GOING TO

GO CHANGE.

I'VE GOT A DATE.

WITH ALAN AGAIN?

HOW'S IT GOING?

IT'S GOING PRETTY GOOD,

YOU KNOW.

HE'S NICE, WE'RE HAVING FUN.

WHEN DO WE MEET HIM?

LET'S SEE, TODAY IS MONDAY.

NEVER.

NO, NOT AFTER WHAT

HAPPENED WITH STEVE.

WHAT ARE YOU

TALKING ABOUT?

( imitates lisp ):

WE LOVED SCHTEVE.

SCHTEVE WAS SCHEXY.

SORRY.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW

HOW I FEEL ABOUT HIM.

LET ME FIGURE

THAT OUT.

THEN CAN WE MEET HIM?

MMM... NO... SCHORRY.

Monica:

I MEAN, WHY SHOULD

I LET THEM MEET HIM?

I BRING A GUY HOME

AND SOON THEY'RE

ALL OVER HIM.

THEY'RE LIKE COYOTES PICKING OFF

THE WEAK MEMBERS OF THE HERD.

LISTEN, AS SOMEONE WHO'S SEEN

MORE THAN HER SHARE OF BAD BEEF

THAT IS NOT SUCH

A TERRIBLE THING.

YOUR FRIENDS ARE

JUST LOOKING OUT AFTER YOU.

JUST ONCE I WISH I'D BRING

A GUY HOME THEY LIKED.

WELL, YOU DO REALIZE THAT

THE ODDS OF THAT HAPPENING

ARE A LITTLE SLIMMER

IF THEY NEVER

MEET THE GUY.

LET IT GO, ROSS.

YEAH, WELL,

YOU DIDN'T KNOW CHI CHI.

Monica:

DO YOU ALL PROMISE?

All:

YEAH, WE PROMISE.

WE'LL BE GOOD.

CHANDLER, DO

YOU PROMISE?

YOU CAN COME IN

BUT YOUR FILTER-TIPPED

LITTLE BUDDY STAYS OUTSIDE.

Ross:

HEY, PHOEBES!

"DEAR MS. BUFFAY:

"THANK YOU FOR CALLING

ATTENTION TO OUR ERROR.

"WE HAVE CREDITED

YOUR ACCOUNT $500.

"WE'RE SORRY FOR

THE INCONVENIENCE

"AND HOPE YOU'LL ACCEPT

"THIS FOOTBALL PHONE...

AS OUR FREE GIFT."

DO YOU BELIEVE THIS?

NOW I HAVE $1,000

AND A FOOTBALL PHONE.

WHAT BANK IS THIS?

( buzzer buzzes )

OKAY, IT'S HIM.

WHO IS IT?

Alan.

CHANDLER, HE'S HERE!

OKAY, PLEASE BE GOOD, PLEASE.

JUST REMEMBER

HOW MUCH YOU LIKE ME.

( knocking at door )

HI, ALAN,

THIS IS EVERYBODY.

EVERYBODY,

THIS IS ALAN.

HI.

All:

HI, ALAN.

I'VE HEARD SCHO MUSCH

ABOUT ALL YOU GUYS.

I'LL CALL YOU TOMORROW.

THANK YOU.

OKAY... OKAY, LET'S LET

THE ALAN-BASHING BEGIN.

WHO'S GOING TO TAKE

THE FIRST SHOT? HMM?

COME ON!

I'LL GO.

LET'S START WITH THE WAY

HE KEPT PICKING AT...

YOU KNOW, I'M SORRY,

I CAN'T DO THIS.

WE LOVED HIM.

All:

WE LOVED HIM!

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT SOMEONE

THAT I'M GOING OUT WITH?

All:

YES!

AND DID

YOU NOTICE?

Men:

YEAH, IT'S GREAT.

YOU KNOW WHAT WAS GREAT?

HOW HIS SMILE WAS CROOKED.

YES, LIKE THE MAN

IN THE SHOE.

WHAT SHOE?

FROM THE NURSERY RHYME:

"THERE WAS A CROOKED MAN

WHO HAD A CROOKED SMILE

"WHO LIVED IN A SHOE

FOR A... WHILE."

SO I THINK ALAN...

WILL BECOME THE YARDSTICK

AGAINST WHICH ALL FUTURE

BOYFRIENDS WILL BE MEASURED.

WHAT FUTURE BOYFRIENDS?

NO, I THINK

THIS COULD BE...

REALLY?

I'D MARRY HIM FOR HIS

DAVID HASSELHOFF IMPRESSION.

YOU KNOW I'M

GOING TO BE

DOING THAT AT

PARTIES, RIGHT?

YOU KNOW WHAT

I LIKE MOST ABOUT HIM?

WHAT?

THE WAY HE MAKES

ME FEEL ABOUT MYSELF.

YEAH.

YEAH.

YEAH.

YEAH.

HI.

HOW WAS THE GAME?

WELL...

All:

WE WON!

FANTASTIC! I HAVE ONE QUESTION.

HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

ALAN.

HE WAS UNBELIEVABLE.

HE WAS LIKE THAT

BUGS BUNNY CARTOON

WHERE BUGS IS PLAYING

ALL THE POSITIONS

BUT INSTEAD IT WAS

FIRST BASE, ALAN;

SECOND BASE, ALAN;

THIRD BASE, ALAN.

I MEAN, IT WAS LIKE

HE MADE US INTO A TEAM.

YEP, WE SURE SHOWED

THOSE HASIDIC JEWELERS

A THING OR TWO

ABOUT SOFTBALL.

CAN I ASK YOU GUYS A QUESTION?

DO YOU EVER THINK

THAT ALAN IS MAYBE SOMETIMES...

WHAT?

I DON'T KNOW, A LITTLE TOO ALAN?

Rachel:

OH, NO, THAT'S

NOT POSSIBLE.

ONE CAN NEVER

BE TOO ALAN.

YEAH, IT'S HIS INNATE

ALAN-NESS THAT WE ADORE.

I PERSONALLY COULD

HAVE A GALLON OF ALAN.

HEY, LIZZY.

HEY, WEIRD GIRL.

I BROUGHT YOU

ALPHABET SOUP.

WITHOUT THE VOWELS?

YES, BUT I LEFT IN THE "Y"s

BECAUSE YOU KNOW,

"SOMETIMES Y..."

I HAVE SOMETHING ELSE.

SALTINES?

NO, BUT WOULD YOU LIKE

$1,000 AND A FOOTBALL PHONE?

WHAT?

OH, MY GOD!

THERE'S REALLY

MONEY IN HERE.

I KNOW.

WEIRD GIRL,

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I WANT YOU TO HAVE IT.

NO, NO, I HAVE TO

GIVE YOU SOMETHING.

NO, IT'S FINE,

YOU DON'T...

DO YOU WANT

MY TINFOIL HAT?

NO, BECAUSE

YOU NEED THAT.

PLEASE, LET ME

DO SOMETHING.

OKAY, ALL RIGHT,

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

YOU BUY ME A SODA,

AND THEN WE'RE EVEN, OKAY?

OKAY.

OKAY.

KEEP THE CHANGE.

THANKS, LIZZY.

SURE YOU DON'T

WANT A PRETZEL?

NO, I'M FINE, THANKS.

SEE YOU.

HUH!

A THUMB?

EWW!

I KNOW, I KNOW,

I OPENED IT UP

AND IT WAS FLOATING IN THERE

LIKE THIS TINY HITCHHIKER.

MAYBE IT'S A CONTEST,

LIKE, COLLECT ALL FIVE.

DOES ANYONE WANT TO SEE?

All:

NO!

OH, HEY, DON'T DO THAT.

PUT THAT OUT.

COME ON!

IT'S WORSE THAN THE THUMB.

HEY, THIS IS SO UNFAIR.

WHY IS IT UNFAIR?

SO I HAVE A FLAW.

BIG DEAL!

LIKE JOEY'S CONSTANT

KNUCKLE CRACKING

ISN'T ANNOYING?

AND ROSS WHO

OVERPRONOUNCES

EVERY WORD;

AND MONICA WITH THAT SNORT

WHEN SHE LAUGHS.

I MEAN WHAT THE HELL

IS THAT THING?

I ACCEPT ALL THOSE FLAWS.

WHY CAN'T YOU

ACCEPT ME FOR THIS?

DOES THE KNUCKLE CRACKING

BOTHER EVERYBODY?

WELL, I COULD LIVE WITHOUT IT.

OH, WELL, IS IT,

LIKE, A LITTLE ANNOYING

OR IS LIKE WHEN

PHOEBE CHEWS HER HAIR?

NOW, DON'T LISTEN

TO HIM, PHOEBES.

I THINK IT'S ENDEARING.

OH, YOU DO, DO YOU?

( laughs then snorts )

YOU KNOW, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG

WITH SPEAKING CORRECTLY.

INDEED, THERE ISN'T.

I SHOULD REALLY

GET BACK TO WORK.

OTHERWISE

SOMEONE MIGHT GET

WHAT THEY ORDERED.

Joey:

OOH, WELL!

OH, HO, HO, THE HAIR COMES OUT

AND THE GLOVES COME OFF.

( general arguing )

DID YOU EVER

GO OUT WITH A GUY

YOUR FRIENDS

ALL REALLY LIKED?

NO.

OKAY. WELL,

I'M GOING OUT

WITH A GUY MY FRIENDS

ALL REALLY LIKE.

WERE WE TALKING ABOUT

THE COYOTES HERE?

ALL RIGHT!

A COW GOT THROUGH!

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

IT'S JUST... YOU KNOW WHAT?

I JUST DON'T FEEL THE THING.

I MEAN, THEY FEEL THE THING,

I DON'T FEEL THE THING.

HONEY, YOU SHOULD

ALWAYS FEEL THE THING.

IF THAT'S HOW YOU FEEL

ABOUT THE GUY, DUMP HIM.

I KNOW, IT'S JUST GOING

TO BE REALLY HARD.

HE'S A BIG BOY,

HE'LL GET OVER IT.

NO, HE'LL BE FINE.

IT'S THE OTHER FIVE

I'M WORRIED ABOUT.

DON'T YOU RESPECT YOUR BODY?

DON'T YOU

REALIZE WHAT

YOU'RE DOING?

I'VE HAD IT WITH

YOU GUYS AND YOUR CANCER

AND YOUR EMPHYSEMA

AND YOUR HEART DISEASE.

SMOKING IS COOL AND YOU KNOW IT.

CHANDLER... IT'S ALAN,

HE WANTS TO SPEAK WITH YOU.

REALLY, HE DOES?

HEY, BUDDY,

WHAT'S UP?

OH, SHE TOLD YOU

ABOUT THAT, HUH?

WELL, YEAH, I HAVE

ONE NOW AND THEN.

WELL, YEAH, NOW.

WELL, IT'S NOT THAT...

WELL, THAT'S TRUE.

GEE, YOU KNOW, NO ONE'S...

NO ONE'S EVER PUT IT

LIKE THAT BEFORE.

SO, WELL, OKAY, THANKS.

GOD, HE'S GOOD.

IF ONLY HE WERE A WOMAN.

YEAH.

And Lamb Chop and Hush Puppy...

HOW OLD IS THAT SOCK?

IF I HAD A SOCK ON

MY HAND FOR 30 YEARS

IT'D BE

TALKING, TOO.

OKAY, I THINK

IT'S TIME TO CHANGE

SOMEBODY'S

NICOTINE PATCH.

HEY!

WHERE'S JOEY?

JOEY ATE MY LAST

STICK OF GUM

SO I KILLED HIM.

DO YOU THINK

THAT WAS WRONG?

HE'S ACROSS THE HALL.

THANKS.

THERE YOU GO.

OOH, I'M ALIVE

WITH PLEASURE NOW.

HEY, PHOEBES,

YOU GOING TO HAVE

THE REST OF THAT

POP-TART? PHOEBES?

DOES ANYONE WANT

THE REST OF THIS POP-TART?

HEY, I MIGHT.

SORRY.

YOU KNOW, THOSE STUPID

SODA PEOPLE GAVE ME

$7,000 FOR THE THUMB.

$7,000?

AND ON MY WAY

OVER HERE

I STEPPED IN GUM.

WHAT IS UP WITH THE UNIVERSE?

WHAT'S GOING ON?

NOTHING, I JUST

THINK IT'S NICE

WHEN WE'RE ALL

HERE TOGETHER.

NICER WHEN EVERYONE GETS

TO WEAR THEIR UNDERWEAR.

UH, JOEY.

OH.

OH, OKAY.

( protestations )

PLEASE, GUYS

WE HAVE

TO TALK.

WAIT, WAIT.

I'M GETTING A DEJA VU.

NO, I'M NOT.

ALL RIGHT, WE HAVE TO TALK.

THERE IT IS!

OKAY, IT'S ABOUT ALAN.

THERE'S

SOMETHING

THAT YOU

SHOULD KNOW.

I MEAN, THERE'S REALLY

NO EASY WAY TO SAY THIS.

I'VE DECIDED

TO BREAK UP WITH ALAN.

IS THERE

SOMEBODY ELSE?

NO, NO, NO, NO, IT'S JUST...

YOU KNOW, THINGS CHANGE,

PEOPLE CHANGE.

WE DIDN'T CHANGE.

SO THAT'S IT?

IT'S OVER?

JUST LIKE THAT?

YOU KNOW, YOU LET

YOUR GUARD DOWN

YOU KNOW, YOU START TO

REALLY CARE ABOUT SOMEONE

AND I JUST... I...

LOOK, I CAN GO ON PRETENDING...

OKAY.

NO.

IT WOULDN'T BE FAIR

TO ALAN, OR TO YOU.

YEAH, WELL,

WHO WANTS FAIR?

I MEAN, I JUST

WANT THINGS BACK

YOU KNOW,

THE WAY THEY WERE.

I'M SORRY.

OH, SHE'S SORRY.

I FEEL BETTER.

I JUST CAN'T

BELIEVE THIS.

I MEAN, WITH THE

HOLIDAYS COMING UP.

I WANTED HIM

TO MEET MY FAMILY.

I'LL MEET SOMEONE ELSE.

THERE'LL BE OTHER ALANS.

OH, YEAH, RIGHT.

WILL YOU GUYS BE OKAY?

HEY, HEY,

WE'LL BE FINE.

WE'RE JUST GOING

TO NEED A LITTLE TIME.

I UNDERSTAND.

WOW!

I'M REALLY SORRY.

YEAH. I'M SORRY, TOO.

BUT I GOT TO TELL YOU,

I AM A LITTLE RELIEVED.

RELIEVED?

WELL, I MEAN, I HAD

A GREAT TIME WITH YOU...

I JUST CAN'T STAND

YOUR FRIENDS.

REMEMBER WHEN WE WENT TO

CENTRAL PARK AND RENTED BOATS?

THAT WAS FUN.

YEAH.

HE COULD ROW

LIKE A VIKING.

HI.

( all mumble )

SO HOW DID IT GO?

UH... YOU KNOW.

DID... DID HE MENTION US?

HE SAYS HE'S REALLY

GOING TO MISS YOU GUYS.

( sighing )

YOU HAD

A ROUGH DAY, HUH?

YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

COME HERE.

THAT'S IT,

I'M GETTING CIGARETTES.

All:

NO, NO, NO!

I DON'T CARE.

GAME'S OVER, I'M WEAK.

I MUST HAVE THE SMOKE.

Phoebe:

IF YOU NEVER

SMOKE AGAIN

I'LL GIVE YOU $7,000.

YEAH, ALL RIGHT.

HI, GUYS!

HEY, PHOEBE!

HEY, OH, HOW DID IT GO?

UM, NOT SO GOOD.

HE SAID, "WE SHOULD

DO THIS AGAIN."

( everyone groans )

WHAT? "WE SHOULD

DO IT AGAIN."

THAT'S GOOD, RIGHT?

NO, LOOSELY

TRANSLATED

"WE SHOULD DO

THIS AGAIN" MEANS

"YOU WILL NEVER

SEE ME NAKED."

SINCE WHEN?

SINCE ALWAYS.

IT'S LIKE

DATING LANGUAGE.

YOU KNOW, LIKE, "IT'S NOT YOU"

MEANS "IT IS YOU."

OR "YOU'RE SUCH

A NICE GUY" MEANS:

"I'LL BE DATING

LEATHER-WEARING

ALCOHOLICS

AND COMPLAINING

ABOUT THEM TO YOU."

OR "I THINK WE SHOULD

SEE OTHER PEOPLE"

MEANS "HA, HA,

I ALREADY AM."

AND EVERYBODY

KNOWS THIS.

OH, YEAH... CUSHIONS THE BLOW.

LIKE WHEN YOU'RE A KID

AND YOUR DOG DIES

AND THEY SAY IT WENT

OFF TO SOME FARM.

THAT'S FUNNY.

NO, BECAUSE OUR

PARENTS ACTUALLY DID

SEND OUR DOG UP

TO LIVE ON A FARM.

UH... ROSS?

WHAT, HELLO? THE MILNERS' FARM

IN CONNECTICUT?

THE MILNERS HAD THIS

UNBELIEVABLE FARM.

THEY HAD HORSES

AND RABBITS

TO CHASE

AND...

OH, MY GOD, CHI CHI!

♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU

LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪

♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE,

YOU'RE BROKE ♪

♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪

♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS

STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪

♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪

♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH,

OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪

♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪

♪ WHEN THE RAIN

STARTS TO FALL ♪

♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪

♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪

♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪

♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE

FOR ME TOO ♪

Chandler:

"SO HOW DOES IT FEEL

KNOWING YOU'RE ABOUT TO DIE?"

"WARDEN, IN FIVE MINUTES

MY PAIN WILL BE OVER

"BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO LIVE

WITH THE KNOWLEDGE

THAT YOU SENT

AN HONEST MAN TO DIE."

HEY, THAT WAS REALLY GOOD.

YEAH? THANKS,

LET'S KEEP GOING.

OKAY.

"SO, WHAT DO YOU WANT

FROM ME, DIMONE... HUH?"

"I JUST WANT TO

GO BACK TO MY CELL

BECAUSE IN MY CELL

I CAN SMOKE."

"SMOKE AWAY!"

I THINK THIS

IS PROBABLY WHY

DIMONE SMOKES

IN HIS CELL, ALONE.

WHAT?

RELAX YOUR HAND.

LET YOUR WRIST GO.

NOT SO MUCH.

ALL RIGHT, NOW,

TRY TAKING A PUFF.

RIGHT.

OKAY, NO, GIVE IT TO ME.

NO, NO, I'M NOT

GIVING YOU A CIGARETTE.

DO YOU WANT TO GET THIS PART

OR NOT? HERE.

ALL RIGHT, NOW

DON'T THINK OF IT

AS A CIGARETTE.

THINK OF IT

AS THE THING

THAT HAS BEEN MISSING

FROM YOUR HAND.

WHEN YOU'RE HOLDING IT, YOU

FEEL RIGHT, YOU FEEL COMPLETE.

DO YOU MISS IT?

NO, NOT SO MUCH.

ALL RIGHT, NOW WE SMOKE.

OH, MY GOD!

THEY SAY IT'S THE SAME

AS THE DISTANCE

FROM THE TIP OF A GUY'S THUMB

TO THE TIP OF HIS INDEX FINGER.

THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

CAN I USE EITHER THUMB?

ALL RIGHT, DON'T

TELL ME, DON'T TELL ME.

DECAF CAPPUCCINO

FOR JOEY.

COFFEE BLACK.

LATTE.

AND AN ICED TEA.

I'M GETTING GOOD AT THIS.

EXCELLENT!

VERY GOOD.

GOOD FOR ME!

( muttering )

YOU OKAY, PHOEBE?

YEAH, NO, I'M...

IT'S NOT EVEN WORTH IT--

IT'S MY BANK.

WHAT DID THEY DO?

IT'S JUST... OKAY.

I'M GOING

THROUGH MY MAIL

AND I OPEN UP THEIR

MONTHLY STATEMENT!

EASY!

OKAY, I KNOW.

AND THERE'S $500

EXTRA IN MY ACCOUNT.

OH, SATAN'S MINIONS

AT WORK AGAIN.

NOW I HAVE TO GO THERE

AND DEAL WITH THEM...

WHAT? KEEP IT!

IT'S NOT MINE.

I DIDN'T EARN IT.

IT WOULD BE LIKE STEALING.

YEAH, BUT IF YOU SPENT IT,

IT WOULD BE LIKE SHOPPING.

OKAY, OKAY, LET'S SAY I BOUGHT

A REALLY GREAT PAIR OF SHOES.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'D HEAR

WITH EVERY STEP I TOOK?

"NOT MINE, NOT MINE, NOT MINE."

EVEN IF I WAS HAPPY,

AND SKIPPING, I'D HEAR

"NOT, NOT MINE,

NOT, NOT MINE..."

WE'RE WITH YOU, WE GOT IT.

I'D NEVER ENJOY IT.

IT WOULD BE LIKE

THIS GIANT KARMIC DEBT.

Monica:

CHANDLER, WHAT

ARE YOU DOING?

HEY! WHAT ARE

YOU DOING?

WHAT IS THIS?

I'M SMOKING,

I'M SMOKING.

YOU'VE BEEN

SO GOOD

FOR THREE

YEARS.

AND THIS IS MY REWARD.

THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WENT

THROUGH THE LAST TIME YOU QUIT.

OKAY, SO THIS TIME

I WON'T QUIT.

PUT IT OUT!

I'M PUTTING IT OUT.

OH, NO! I CAN'T

DRINK THIS NOW.

I'M GOING TO

GO CHANGE.

I'VE GOT A DATE.

WITH ALAN AGAIN?

HOW'S IT GOING?

IT'S GOING PRETTY GOOD,

YOU KNOW.

HE'S NICE, WE'RE HAVING FUN.

WHEN DO WE MEET HIM?

LET'S SEE, TODAY IS MONDAY.

NEVER.

NO, NOT AFTER WHAT

HAPPENED WITH STEVE.

WHAT ARE YOU

TALKING ABOUT?

( imitates lisp ):

WE LOVED SCHTEVE.

SCHTEVE WAS SCHEXY.

SORRY.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW

HOW I FEEL ABOUT HIM.

LET ME FIGURE

THAT OUT.

THEN CAN WE MEET HIM?

MMM... NO... SCHORRY.

Monica:

I MEAN, WHY SHOULD

I LET THEM MEET HIM?

I BRING A GUY HOME

AND SOON THEY'RE

ALL OVER HIM.

THEY'RE LIKE COYOTES PICKING OFF

THE WEAK MEMBERS OF THE HERD.

LISTEN, AS SOMEONE WHO'S SEEN

MORE THAN HER SHARE OF BAD BEEF

THAT IS NOT SUCH

A TERRIBLE THING.

YOUR FRIENDS ARE

JUST LOOKING OUT AFTER YOU.

JUST ONCE I WISH I'D BRING

A GUY HOME THEY LIKED.

WELL, YOU DO REALIZE THAT

THE ODDS OF THAT HAPPENING

ARE A LITTLE SLIMMER

IF THEY NEVER

MEET THE GUY.

LET IT GO, ROSS.

YEAH, WELL,

YOU DIDN'T KNOW CHI CHI.

Monica:

DO YOU ALL PROMISE?

All:

YEAH, WE PROMISE.

WE'LL BE GOOD.

CHANDLER, DO

YOU PROMISE?

YOU CAN COME IN

BUT YOUR FILTER-TIPPED

LITTLE BUDDY STAYS OUTSIDE.

Ross:

HEY, PHOEBES!

"DEAR MS. BUFFAY:

"THANK YOU FOR CALLING

ATTENTION TO OUR ERROR.

"WE HAVE CREDITED

YOUR ACCOUNT $500.

"WE'RE SORRY FOR

THE INCONVENIENCE

"AND HOPE YOU'LL ACCEPT

"THIS FOOTBALL PHONE...

AS OUR FREE GIFT."

DO YOU BELIEVE THIS?

NOW I HAVE $1,000

AND A FOOTBALL PHONE.

WHAT BANK IS THIS?

( buzzer buzzes )

OKAY, IT'S HIM.

WHO IS IT?

Alan.

CHANDLER, HE'S HERE!

OKAY, PLEASE BE GOOD, PLEASE.

JUST REMEMBER

HOW MUCH YOU LIKE ME.

( knocking at door )

HI, ALAN,

THIS IS EVERYBODY.

EVERYBODY,

THIS IS ALAN.

HI.

All:

HI, ALAN.

I'VE HEARD SCHO MUSCH

ABOUT ALL YOU GUYS.

I'LL CALL YOU TOMORROW.

THANK YOU.

OKAY... OKAY, LET'S LET

THE ALAN-BASHING BEGIN.

WHO'S GOING TO TAKE

THE FIRST SHOT? HMM?

COME ON!

I'LL GO.

LET'S START WITH THE WAY

HE KEPT PICKING AT...

YOU KNOW, I'M SORRY,

I CAN'T DO THIS.

WE LOVED HIM.

All:

WE LOVED HIM!

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT SOMEONE

THAT I'M GOING OUT WITH?

All:

YES!

AND DID

YOU NOTICE?

Men:

YEAH, IT'S GREAT.

YOU KNOW WHAT WAS GREAT?

HOW HIS SMILE WAS CROOKED.

YES, LIKE THE MAN

IN THE SHOE.

WHAT SHOE?

FROM THE NURSERY RHYME:

"THERE WAS A CROOKED MAN

WHO HAD A CROOKED SMILE

"WHO LIVED IN A SHOE

FOR A... WHILE."

SO I THINK ALAN...

WILL BECOME THE YARDSTICK

AGAINST WHICH ALL FUTURE

BOYFRIENDS WILL BE MEASURED.

WHAT FUTURE BOYFRIENDS?

NO, I THINK

THIS COULD BE...

REALLY?

I'D MARRY HIM FOR HIS

DAVID HASSELHOFF IMPRESSION.

YOU KNOW I'M

GOING TO BE

DOING THAT AT

PARTIES, RIGHT?

YOU KNOW WHAT

I LIKE MOST ABOUT HIM?

WHAT?

THE WAY HE MAKES

ME FEEL ABOUT MYSELF.

YEAH.

YEAH.

YEAH.

YEAH.

HI.

HOW WAS THE GAME?

WELL...

All:

WE WON!

FANTASTIC! I HAVE ONE QUESTION.

HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

ALAN.

HE WAS UNBELIEVABLE.

HE WAS LIKE THAT

BUGS BUNNY CARTOON

WHERE BUGS IS PLAYING

ALL THE POSITIONS

BUT INSTEAD IT WAS

FIRST BASE, ALAN;

SECOND BASE, ALAN;

THIRD BASE, ALAN.

I MEAN, IT WAS LIKE

HE MADE US INTO A TEAM.

YEP, WE SURE SHOWED

THOSE HASIDIC JEWELERS

A THING OR TWO

ABOUT SOFTBALL.

CAN I ASK YOU GUYS A QUESTION?

DO YOU EVER THINK

THAT ALAN IS MAYBE SOMETIMES...

WHAT?

I DON'T KNOW, A LITTLE TOO ALAN?

Rachel:

OH, NO, THAT'S

NOT POSSIBLE.

ONE CAN NEVER

BE TOO ALAN.

YEAH, IT'S HIS INNATE

ALAN-NESS THAT WE ADORE.

I PERSONALLY COULD

HAVE A GALLON OF ALAN.

HEY, LIZZY.

HEY, WEIRD GIRL.

I BROUGHT YOU

ALPHABET SOUP.

WITHOUT THE VOWELS?

YES, BUT I LEFT IN THE "Y"s

BECAUSE YOU KNOW,

"SOMETIMES Y..."

I HAVE SOMETHING ELSE.

SALTINES?

NO, BUT WOULD YOU LIKE

$1,000 AND A FOOTBALL PHONE?

WHAT?

OH, MY GOD!

THERE'S REALLY

MONEY IN HERE.

I KNOW.

WEIRD GIRL,

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I WANT YOU TO HAVE IT.

NO, NO, I HAVE TO

GIVE YOU SOMETHING.

NO, IT'S FINE,

YOU DON'T...

DO YOU WANT

MY TINFOIL HAT?

NO, BECAUSE

YOU NEED THAT.

PLEASE, LET ME

DO SOMETHING.

OKAY, ALL RIGHT,

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

YOU BUY ME A SODA,

AND THEN WE'RE EVEN, OKAY?

OKAY.

OKAY.

KEEP THE CHANGE.

THANKS, LIZZY.

SURE YOU DON'T

WANT A PRETZEL?

NO, I'M FINE, THANKS.

SEE YOU.

HUH!

A THUMB?

EWW!

I KNOW, I KNOW,

I OPENED IT UP

AND IT WAS FLOATING IN THERE

LIKE THIS TINY HITCHHIKER.

MAYBE IT'S A CONTEST,

LIKE, COLLECT ALL FIVE.

DOES ANYONE WANT TO SEE?

All:

NO!

OH, HEY, DON'T DO THAT.

PUT THAT OUT.

COME ON!

IT'S WORSE THAN THE THUMB.

HEY, THIS IS SO UNFAIR.

WHY IS IT UNFAIR?

SO I HAVE A FLAW.

BIG DEAL!

LIKE JOEY'S CONSTANT

KNUCKLE CRACKING

ISN'T ANNOYING?

AND ROSS WHO

OVERPRONOUNCES

EVERY WORD;

AND MONICA WITH THAT SNORT

WHEN SHE LAUGHS.

I MEAN WHAT THE HELL

IS THAT THING?

I ACCEPT ALL THOSE FLAWS.

WHY CAN'T YOU

ACCEPT ME FOR THIS?

DOES THE KNUCKLE CRACKING

BOTHER EVERYBODY?

WELL, I COULD LIVE WITHOUT IT.

OH, WELL, IS IT,

LIKE, A LITTLE ANNOYING

OR IS LIKE WHEN

PHOEBE CHEWS HER HAIR?

NOW, DON'T LISTEN

TO HIM, PHOEBES.

I THINK IT'S ENDEARING.

OH, YOU DO, DO YOU?

( laughs then snorts )

YOU KNOW, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG

WITH SPEAKING CORRECTLY.

INDEED, THERE ISN'T.

I SHOULD REALLY

GET BACK TO WORK.

OTHERWISE

SOMEONE MIGHT GET

WHAT THEY ORDERED.

Joey:

OOH, WELL!

OH, HO, HO, THE HAIR COMES OUT

AND THE GLOVES COME OFF.

( general arguing )

DID YOU EVER

GO OUT WITH A GUY

YOUR FRIENDS

ALL REALLY LIKED?

NO.

OKAY. WELL,

I'M GOING OUT

WITH A GUY MY FRIENDS

ALL REALLY LIKE.

WERE WE TALKING ABOUT

THE COYOTES HERE?

ALL RIGHT!

A COW GOT THROUGH!

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

IT'S JUST... YOU KNOW WHAT?

I JUST DON'T FEEL THE THING.

I MEAN, THEY FEEL THE THING,

I DON'T FEEL THE THING.

HONEY, YOU SHOULD

ALWAYS FEEL THE THING.

IF THAT'S HOW YOU FEEL

ABOUT THE GUY, DUMP HIM.

I KNOW, IT'S JUST GOING

TO BE REALLY HARD.

HE'S A BIG BOY,

HE'LL GET OVER IT.

NO, HE'LL BE FINE.

IT'S THE OTHER FIVE

I'M WORRIED ABOUT.

DON'T YOU RESPECT YOUR BODY?

DON'T YOU

REALIZE WHAT

YOU'RE DOING?

I'VE HAD IT WITH

YOU GUYS AND YOUR CANCER

AND YOUR EMPHYSEMA

AND YOUR HEART DISEASE.

SMOKING IS COOL AND YOU KNOW IT.

CHANDLER... IT'S ALAN,

HE WANTS TO SPEAK WITH YOU.

REALLY, HE DOES?

HEY, BUDDY,

WHAT'S UP?

OH, SHE TOLD YOU

ABOUT THAT, HUH?

WELL, YEAH, I HAVE

ONE NOW AND THEN.

WELL, YEAH, NOW.

WELL, IT'S NOT THAT...

WELL, THAT'S TRUE.

GEE, YOU KNOW, NO ONE'S...

NO ONE'S EVER PUT IT

LIKE THAT BEFORE.

SO, WELL, OKAY, THANKS.

GOD, HE'S GOOD.

IF ONLY HE WERE A WOMAN.

YEAH.

And Lamb Chop and Hush Puppy...

HOW OLD IS THAT SOCK?

IF I HAD A SOCK ON

MY HAND FOR 30 YEARS

IT'D BE

TALKING, TOO.

OKAY, I THINK

IT'S TIME TO CHANGE

SOMEBODY'S

NICOTINE PATCH.

HEY!

WHERE'S JOEY?

JOEY ATE MY LAST

STICK OF GUM

SO I KILLED HIM.

DO YOU THINK

THAT WAS WRONG?

HE'S ACROSS THE HALL.

THANKS.

THERE YOU GO.

OOH, I'M ALIVE

WITH PLEASURE NOW.

HEY, PHOEBES,

YOU GOING TO HAVE

THE REST OF THAT

POP-TART? PHOEBES?

DOES ANYONE WANT

THE REST OF THIS POP-TART?

HEY, I MIGHT.

SORRY.

YOU KNOW, THOSE STUPID

SODA PEOPLE GAVE ME

$7,000 FOR THE THUMB.

$7,000?

AND ON MY WAY

OVER HERE

I STEPPED IN GUM.

WHAT IS UP WITH THE UNIVERSE?

WHAT'S GOING ON?

NOTHING, I JUST

THINK IT'S NICE

WHEN WE'RE ALL

HERE TOGETHER.

NICER WHEN EVERYONE GETS

TO WEAR THEIR UNDERWEAR.

UH, JOEY.

OH.

OH, OKAY.

( protestations )

PLEASE, GUYS

WE HAVE

TO TALK.

WAIT, WAIT.

I'M GETTING A DEJA VU.

NO, I'M NOT.

ALL RIGHT, WE HAVE TO TALK.

THERE IT IS!

OKAY, IT'S ABOUT ALAN.

THERE'S

SOMETHING

THAT YOU

SHOULD KNOW.

I MEAN, THERE'S REALLY

NO EASY WAY TO SAY THIS.

I'VE DECIDED

TO BREAK UP WITH ALAN.

IS THERE

SOMEBODY ELSE?

NO, NO, NO, NO, IT'S JUST...

YOU KNOW, THINGS CHANGE,

PEOPLE CHANGE.

WE DIDN'T CHANGE.

SO THAT'S IT?

IT'S OVER?

JUST LIKE THAT?

YOU KNOW, YOU LET

YOUR GUARD DOWN

YOU KNOW, YOU START TO

REALLY CARE ABOUT SOMEONE

AND I JUST... I...

LOOK, I CAN GO ON PRETENDING...

OKAY.

NO.

IT WOULDN'T BE FAIR

TO ALAN, OR TO YOU.

YEAH, WELL,

WHO WANTS FAIR?

I MEAN, I JUST

WANT THINGS BACK

YOU KNOW,

THE WAY THEY WERE.

I'M SORRY.

OH, SHE'S SORRY.

I FEEL BETTER.

I JUST CAN'T

BELIEVE THIS.

I MEAN, WITH THE

HOLIDAYS COMING UP.

I WANTED HIM

TO MEET MY FAMILY.

I'LL MEET SOMEONE ELSE.

THERE'LL BE OTHER ALANS.

OH, YEAH, RIGHT.

WILL YOU GUYS BE OKAY?

HEY, HEY,

WE'LL BE FINE.

WE'RE JUST GOING

TO NEED A LITTLE TIME.

I UNDERSTAND.

WOW!

I'M REALLY SORRY.

YEAH. I'M SORRY, TOO.

BUT I GOT TO TELL YOU,

I AM A LITTLE RELIEVED.

RELIEVED?

WELL, I MEAN, I HAD

A GREAT TIME WITH YOU...

I JUST CAN'T STAND

YOUR FRIENDS.

REMEMBER WHEN WE WENT TO

CENTRAL PARK AND RENTED BOATS?

THAT WAS FUN.

YEAH.

HE COULD ROW

LIKE A VIKING.

HI.

( all mumble )

SO HOW DID IT GO?

UH... YOU KNOW.

DID... DID HE MENTION US?

HE SAYS HE'S REALLY

GOING TO MISS YOU GUYS.

( sighing )

YOU HAD

A ROUGH DAY, HUH?

YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

COME HERE.

THAT'S IT,

I'M GETTING CIGARETTES.

All:

NO, NO, NO!

I DON'T CARE.

GAME'S OVER, I'M WEAK.

I MUST HAVE THE SMOKE.

Phoebe:

IF YOU NEVER

SMOKE AGAIN

I'LL GIVE YOU $7,000.

YEAH, ALL RIGHT.

russellhatemselithe.blogspot.com

Source: https://www.lingq.com/en/learn-english-online/courses/496251/friends-s1e3-the-one-with-the-thumb-2752397/

Share this post